


Five Times Ronon and John's Dates Were Canceled and One that Finally Happened.

by hanorganaas



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: 5 + 1, Gift Fic, Humor, M/M, Romance, SGA Secret Santa 2015, Some Crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-21
Updated: 2015-12-21
Packaged: 2018-05-08 03:23:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,365
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5481596
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hanorganaas/pseuds/hanorganaas
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A series of unfortunate events that ruined the chances of a lovely date.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Five Times Ronon and John's Dates Were Canceled and One that Finally Happened.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [millygal](https://archiveofourown.org/users/millygal/gifts).



> So Milly who was a lovely friend of mine on LJ requested a Ronon/John Fic with humor. And So I delievered.
> 
> And one special note:
> 
> Milly you have been a dear friend to me for the past couple of years. You helped me through alot you made me laugh so I was quite honored to be your secret santa. This was written with love so I hope from the bottom of my heart you enjoy this

**Canceled Date One: The One Where the Wraith Were Cockblockers.**

It was a perfect place for a first date. When John described what a beach and what suffering was Ronon knew the perfect planet. He remembered when he was a child his family would go their for simple picnics and family outings. He knew that bringing him here would make John feel at home. 

Brownie points McKay called it. 

They brought a few items to the beach. A couple of chairs, a surfboard and some food so they could have a lunch on the beach. Ronon knew it was going to be a wonderful day.

At least it started out that way. The planet’s sun had reached the highest point making it the hottest part of the day. The waves weren’t too rough and even dipping his toe in the water Ronon knew the water was perfect, and then….the moment they got to the beach, John took off his shirt. 

Good weather, good view of his possible new….mate, lover, boyfriend as they called it on Earth? What could possibly ruin it….

ZNNG!

The moment John’s black t-shirt hit the ground a wraith dart wizzed passed their heads followed by the sounds of lasers and people screaming to run into their homes. John looked at Ronon as he reached for his com.

“Fucking Cockblocking Wraith,” He mumured, “We’re going to have to take a raincheck on our beach picnic.”

Ronon opened his mouth to object, but he knew after all he been through with the monsters he knew letting the wraith ruin other lives would go against all he believed in. So with a sigh he took his gun from his holster and got ready to take down as much of the bastards as he could.

It was a tragedy they ruined something good….but more shallowly it was a bigger tragedy to watch John put his shirt back on.

**Canceled Date Two: The One Where the Big Ugly Bug Gets Ronon This Time**

He had so much adrenaline from him running away from the angry natives Ronon never really noticed it. He did notice a little prick on his leg but he thought it was some arrow went through his leg. It was only when they got into the gate room and Doctor Weir yelled “not again!” did he notice something was wrong.

There was a bug. A big giant ugly bug attached to his leg. The first thing he noticed was John frowning rather noticeably as he dropped his gun to the ground.

“Not again,” John said, “Looks like we’re going to need another rain check on our date this time.”

“I don’t think it’s any big deal,” Ronon raised an eyebrow, “It’s just a bug.”

Well it wasn’t an ordinary bug. Ronon tried gently pulling at the bug. But it wasn’t budging. Stubborn little asshole this thing was. He eventually got frustrated and started violently tugging at it to the point where his arms were shaking. Finally he lost the vailiant battle between him and the bug and went stumbling backwards onto the ground. 

John slowly hovered him giving him a look of “I told you so” as Ronon growled. 

“I’ll call Carson.” 

**Canceled Date Three: John Eats Some Bad Food:**

Whatever the hell was in that meal from the inhabitants of MPL-1212 it was not agreeing with John’s rather sensitive stomach. He always had to be careful of what he ate or a) throw up or b) have the mother of all upset stomachs for the rest of the night. It was why he avoided anything at all costs. But when Teyla told him it would be rude not to eat.

He should have been insistent. He was trying to sit through that meeting but his stomach felt like it was about to explode.

Not now, John thought. Two dates canceled. He wasn’t risking another one! But it was a losing battle between him and his aching stomach and whatever the hell he ate. Any moment now he was going to lose the contents of his lunch even if he tried. 

“Not nervous for our date tonight are we?” Ronon said raising his eyebrow. 

And that was the last he could control of it. John ran to the nearest thing that looked like a garbage can and threw up. Ronon stood up immediately putting up his gun at the leader of the planet. 

“What did you put in John’s food?!” He roared.

“Chewie it’s fine I am not agreeing with the-,” John said before throwing up again.

At the corner of his eye, he saw Ronon put down the gun and groan. John expected he was starting to become annoyed at their job getting in their date nights. 

**Canceled Date Four: Rodney and Ronon Get Lost.**

“I AM NEVER EVER GOING WITH YOU ALONE WITH YOU AGAIN MCKAY!” Ronon growled folding his arms.

They didn’t know where they were, all Ronon saw was trees everywhere, maybe a few mountains. They had been walking from the civilization where Rodney made some minor adjustments before heading home. They must have taken a wrong turn somewhere, so instead of getting back to the gate they had been wandering for hours.

“COULD YOU STOP FREAKING OUT AT ME!” Rodney responded back, “I DON’T KNOW WHERE THE FUCK WE ARE EITHER!!!” 

“WELL NOW WE’RE STUCK IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE!” Ronon roared, “AND I HAVE A DATE WITH JOHN IN AN HOUR!”

“WELL YOU COULD KISS THAT DATE GOODBYE,” Rodney yelled, “WE’RE GOING TO DIE OUT HERE!” 

Ronon growled and buried his face in his hands as he sat down on a rock. He had to accept defeat. No matter how hard he tried Rodney was right he was never going to get home. Eventually the Atlantis expedition would find them out here. But it didn’t stop his annoyance and frustration at this rate the relationship between him and John together would be strictly them watching movies in John’s quarters and sex.

**Canceled Date Five: The Human Sacrifice.**

John Sheppard’s 12th great grandfather Sir Thomas More was notorious for burning heretics. If 12th Great Grandpa Thomas would know his own descendant was tied to a stake about to be burned himself, he would probably have a god damn heart attack. John sighed….abandoned….beaten by psychos and now being offered as a human sacrafice to keep the wraith away….there could be worse ways to go.

“We offer this gift in hopes you can keep the wraith away,” The high priest said.

“They probably don’t like you are barbecuing people,” John murmured. 

The priest turned to light the fire. John held himself bracing himself to a fiery death. But….thankfully a blaster to the asshole priest’s chest stopped them from happening. Ronon jumped in front of John like a white knight as a bunch of natives went to attack him. But immediately stopped. Between Ronon’s large size and him waving the torch threateningly, they knew there was no way to defeat him. 

As they ran away screaming Ronon blew out the torch and jumped behind John to cut him free from the ropes. 

“You think you are going to be up for tonight,” Ronon said raising an eyebrow. 

The moment the ropes were gone John realized how much the excitement made him exhausted. He fell into Ronon’s arms and fell asleep. 

“I guess that’s a no,” Ronon said.

**And One that Finally Happened:**

Ronon had come to peace that in a galaxy and as space explorers that there was really no time to have a true and full date like the ones he had with his wife. John told him that dating really never really had to be a fancy dinner at a restaurant or a picnic on a beach. 

It could be something as simple as this. Just the two of them on the couch watching the _Star Wars trilogy_. John’s head on his lap as Ronon ran his hand through his dark locks. He laughed as John quoted the movie and spoke of his love for Han Solo and smiled as he kissed him.

It wasn’t much, but for Ronon this was everything.


End file.
